Sickness

So a little while back I was trying to explain to someone that I sort of like being sick. I know it doesn't make sense....it doesn't even really make sense to me. But something about being sick makes me feel alive. I almost never take drugs when I'm sick or hurt....not even Tylenol.

Some might call that masochistic. I don't know.....


Derek Webb has this song that I always think about when I'm sick....here's the chorus:

I don’t want medication

just give me liberation

even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath

don’t give me medication

I want the real sensation

even when living feels just like death to me

I realize that the song isn't really talking about having a cold....still, I love the lyrics....and being sick reminds me of the song, which reminds me of my freedom in Jesus and the "life to the full" he promises. Check out the rest of the song here: Medication by Derek Webb.

On that note, there is one sickness I DO NOT like. It's called pink eye. And it's exactly what I have come down with as of this morning. I finally broke down and went to urgent care after I could barely open my eyes because the light hurt them so much. I got some antibiotics, and now I'm at home. Ugh......

Hopefully this stuff takes care of itself before we leave for Vegas. (2 days!)

Thanks

Sometimes I have this weird phenomena occur that makes me really want to believe in Sigmund Freud's theories. It has to do with my "unconscious." Basically, Freud believed that most of our experiences -- our feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. -- are not driven by our conscious thoughts but rather what lies beneath -- our unconscious.

The term "Freudian slip" refers to this phenomena....and it seems it happens to me often. Something inappropriate will slip out of my mouth completely unexpectedly when I meant to say something else. (Freud believed this applied primarily to our sexual impulses.....I hope not.)

Anyway, here's what happened today. I was trying to check my e-mail and went to the address bar to begin typing. As I typed, I started to space out. When I looked up, I had typed the word "thankfulness." ?????? Weird, I know. Not sure how it happened.....I was trying to type in the address for Yahoo.

Honestly, I think what's really going on here has less to do with Freud and more to do with what God's trying to say to me. I have been complaining a LOT recently, about....well....everything. I think God was bringing my attention to the issue, and bringing my focus back to Him.

Isn't it awesome that we have a personal God who is constantly pursuing and romancing us? I love that....and I am completely thankful for it.

Goat Milk??

Today I watched as one of my first graders looked at a "got milk?" sign in confusion. He was holding up the lunch line so I told him to keep moving. When I noticed that he didn't pick up milk like he usually does, I asked why. He pointed to the sign and said, "Wellllll....I don't drink goat milk." Hahaha....made me laugh.

Good thing he's learned to read so well this year......

My Name's Sarah, and I'm a Perfectionist.

I'd love to say that I don't care at all about what people think of me...in fact, I do say that sometimes....but it's so far from the truth.

Last night Matt and I were talking about the fact that I have a really hard time taking any sort of criticism, especially when it has to do with my job. I have this annoying disorder called perfectionism, and it tends to flare up at work most often. Because of this, I am uber sensitive to criticism, and even get hurt when I feel a lack of positive praise from my bosses. I care so much -- way too much -- about how I am perceived at work. I let small comments or events completely ruin my day. I have been constantly dwelling on something my principal said a couple of days ago. And the crazy thing is, the comment was pretty minuscule, and was something I already know about myself. (Had to do with my organization skills.....)

So I guess my point here is that I'm really trying to let go of my need to be perfect at work. I need to realize that it's necessary to be critiqued and challenged. And I need to stop dwelling on what people think about me (or what I think people think about me.) It's literally driving me nuts.

High School

The thing I hate about Coeur d'Alene is that I grew up here, and I can't help but constantly run into people from high school.

I've changed SO much since high school -- sometimes I feel like I need to say that to people when I run into them. But most of the time I just avoid those people and hope I don't have to do the whole small talk thing. (I hate small talk more than most people...even though I'm often guilty of using it in these awkward situations.)

I especially hate running into girls from high school -- 'cause girls look you up and down and ask really ridiculous pointed questions in order to compare how far they've come in their lives with where you're at. I guess it's especially obvious to me because I read into people's motives so much...but it really drives me nuts.

Ok, this rant is over. I love Coeur d'Alene, and for the most part, I loved high school...but sometimes I miss being in a place where no one knows who you are. :)

P.S. I was forced to watch Mamma Mia for the SECOND time last night....that is the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen.

Do I sound angry tonight or what? :)